“Why Is It on Us to Take the High Road?”: Opposed Views on Our Divides

We wanted to share a couple of emails from the Builders community that highlight the very different ways Americans can see our divides. 

Some people on both “sides” see our toxicity problem as mainly coming from their political opponents. From that vantage point, messages asking them or their political group to think about how they might reduce toxicity can seem misguided. This can make them think, “Why is it on us to reduce toxicity? You should focus on our opponents.” This is one of the ways that depolarization-aimed work can be frustrating to people. 

The two emails we’ll share below highlight the ease with which we can see our divides in different ways. We think it’s important for everyone to listen to their fellow citizens. This helps us make sense of our opponents’ behavior and can help us see them with more empathy, even as we very much disagree. 

An email from a Builder who opposes Trump 

In response to our piece on how liberals can build more bridges with conservatives, Tracy sent us this email: 

I love your movement and your mission. I really, really do. But I am so sick of seeing articles and advice about how liberals need to engage the right way with conservatives. In my view, conservatives do not try to actively engage with liberals at all. It’s always “us” trying to understand them and not the other way around.

Shouldn’t it be both sides doing this?? I never see conservative/neutral sources asking its members to do the same with liberals. Why does it always have to be the Democrats. So far it hasn’t gotten us anywhere it seems. How many times can you try before throwing in the towel?

I am a longtime bridge-builder and author, and I resonate with your passion to work across our divides!

An email from a Pro-Trump Builder

In response to our piece encouraging Republicans to listen to their opponents’ criticisms, even if just for their own sake, Elizabeth sent us this email: 

It is a good article; I’m betting it was written by a member of the Democratic party?

My reasoning is that, now that “they” lost, suddenly they are reconsidering and reflecting and the Republicans must do the same instead of celebrating our win.

Why not four years ago recognizing the reconsidering and reflecting that Republicans did, and call for Democrats to do the same?

We have spent four years being canceled by the Democratic party, yet somehow it is incumbent upon us to rise and allow them their space to mourn?

Having said that, I do actually recognize the cycle we are in and that someone has to rise and break out of it.

No, I don’t see either party doing that admirable work, so that leaves us — the people — to do it.

And that is what I reflect on most after this election — that the clear majority of citizens have enough common sense to say ‘this is not sustainable; we must do better’.

I just wish your articles would recognize that as well.

The goal is understanding

Again, our goal here is to emphasize how easy it is for us to see our divides differently. This is not to say that “These views are equally valid,” which is a common common objection we hear. It’s not our role to say whose views are more valid; it is our role to help people better understand their fellow citizens — their grievances, their concerns — even as they very much disagree. 

Thank you, Elizabeth and Tracy, for sending us your thoughts. Messages like yours help us better understand what people are feeling and thinking. We also appreciate you including your appreciation of this work, along with your criticisms and frustrations.

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