How Politics & Social Media Fuel the Gender Divide

When it comes to relationships between men and women, something’s gone sideways.

We’re in the middle of what researchers are calling a “romantic recession.” Young people are reporting record levels of pessimism toward dating. And although the “male loneliness epidemic” gets more headlines, women are lonelier than ever, too.

This isn’t just a problem for romance—it’s a cultural check engine light. When trust between men and women breaks down, it corrodes workplaces, chips away at communities, and frays the basic social fabric we all depend on.

The causes are complicated. But one thing is clear: the mistrust isn’t just emotional. It’s structural. Rapid social change, social media, and political polarization are fueling a gender divide wider than the distance between Venus and Mars.

And amidst all of it, most men and women still want connection. They just don’t trust each other to offer it safely.

So the question isn’t “Who’s to blame?” It’s “How do we fix it before the damage becomes permanent?

Social media is making men and women hate each other

It’s no secret that on social media, bad takes float like dead goldfish — right to the top.

These talking points don’t live on the fringes. They come verbatim from two of the biggest influencers in the game right now: Andrew Tate and Drew Afualo, respectively. The girlies have thought leaders like Afualo, who’s racked up 8.2 million TikTok followers primarily by shitting on men. And the boys have dude-bro “self-help” gurus like Tate, an accused rapist and sex-trafficker, who had over 5 million TikTok followers before the platform banned him for (surprise, surprise) flagrant misogyny.

Between the manosphere, girlbosses, and tradwives, influencers are also sending men and women all kinds of signals about who they’re supposed to be. And the confusion around shifting gender roles makes us more entrenched in our in-groups, furthering our distrust of each other. 

“All men are trash.” “All women are manipulative gold-diggers.” The algorithm saw that bullshit go viral and said, “Yes. More of that. Forever.”

This content confirms your worst fears: that women are gold-digging narcissists, that men are cold-blooded commitment-phobes, and that trusting someone is just asking to be emotionally waterboarded.

So why does social media amplify the most bad-faith arguments? Because rage is profitable, baby.

TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (or whatever we’re calling it now) and all the others are designed to maximize engagement. And they quickly realized users are most engaged when they’re arguing in the comments section. So, the most controversial and inflammatory content is featured more heavily on our feeds. And since you see it so often, it starts to feel like truth—even if it’s just a highly personalized spiral designed by code and capitalism.

So while you’re doomscrolling through clips of Chad Thunderfinance explaining why love is a psyop or Alexis FitMom insisting your husband didn’t do the dishes because he’s cheating, actual connection is sitting somewhere outside the bubble like, “Hey, maybe we could talk this out?”

But you won’t see that. The algorithm didn’t feed it to you. 

But you know what the algo has no problem feeding you? Open wide, here comes the politics.

Politics is exacerbating things

Dating used to be about chemistry, connection, maybe a mutual hatred of cilantro. Now it’s often about who you voted for. And for many people, that question isn’t small talk — it’s a moral filter.

According to polls conducted by the American Survey Center, 90% of single women who voted for Kamala Harris say they’d be less likely to date someone who supports Donald Trump. About three-quarters say they’d be a lot less likely. 

For many of these women, it’s not about disagreement on taxes or border policy — it’s about character. “It is no longer a political difference; it is a difference in morals,” one woman told the pollsters. Trump’s history of derogatory statements about women and allegations of sexual assault were listed as the biggest dealbreakers.

But the gender split isn’t one-directional. Nearly 40% of single men say they’d be less likely to date someone who identifies as a feminist, even though more than half also say it wouldn’t matter to them.

We’ve turned ideological identities into shorthand for trustworthiness. And when that happens, the conversation ends before it starts.

So, how do we fix it?

Stop feeding the rage machine: Seriously. Stop. Unfollow the content that exists to provoke you. Algorithms are not moral compasses. Seek out creators who promote healthy relationships and real conversation. (Bonus points if they have actual credentials for this type of stuff, like @shanebirkel or @dr.alexandra.solomon.)

And stop letting social media influence how you live your life. A thriving economy, a healthy democracy, and a functional society all depend on people being able to show up fully—without shrinking to fit prescribed molds. 

Ditch the “us-vs.-them” mindset: If someone says they’re a feminist or a Trump supporter, ask what that means to them. Don’t assume you already know.

The men who refuse to date a feminist are likely reacting to the loud, online, “all men are trash” caricature of feminism, not the actual movement, which at its core is just about equality and fairness. 

And women might see a Trump vote as a character flaw, but some voters will say it wasn’t about the man, it was about the policies. To them, pulling the lever was less an endorsement of behavior and more a bet on jobs, security, or simply not trusting the media to give the full story.

While these points might not change your boundary (nor should they have to), understanding their reasoning can transform a moral wall into a real conversation—even if it still ends with, “Thanks, but no.”

Fixing these trust issues is crucial. We don’t just need trust between men and women for romance. We need it to build businesses, pass laws, and solve problems together.

We need to believe trust is possible again. And that starts by ditching prescribed gender scripts, political loyalty tests, and a social media algorithm that runs on outrage and oversimplification. It starts by talking to the people right in front of us. 

—Alex Buscemi (abuscemi@buildersmovement.org)

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