4 Ways to Respond to Political Insults That Help Reduce Polarization

“You voted for Harris? What’s wrong with you?”

“You voted for Trump? You’re part of the problem.” 

There’s a good chance you’ve been insulted for your political beliefs. Let’s face it: insults can get our blood pumping. We can “see red” and feel the urge to toss insults back — to fight fire with fire. The person who has insulted us can represent, for the moment, the entire “other side” — we can feel the urge to vent all our pent-up rage at “them.” 

Being insulted is a challenge, to be sure — but it can also be an opportunity. With the right approach, we might get people to consider how their toxic ways of engaging are hurting political discourse — and even hurting their own cause. 

#1: Stay calm

It’s hard to stay calm and collected when we feel attacked. Our emotions can overwhelm us. Like the boxer Mike Tyson said: “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.” 

One obstacle we face in remaining calm is a feeling that doing so is weak. We should remind ourselves that remaining calm is the more powerful path. Responding to anger with more anger is the path of least resistance — and our anger can even push people away from our ideas. Remaining calm grants us power: we’ll be more persuasive to others.

#2: Be vulnerable

Just as it’s hard to remain calm when attacked, it’s hard to be vulnerable. Insults will often put us in fight-or-flight mode. Also, like remaining calm, it may feel counterintuitive and weak.  

But vulnerability can get people to lower their guard, apologize for their rude behavior, and listen to your ideas. Not always, of course — but it makes those outcomes more likely. 

To learn more about leaning into this superpower, watch Brené Brown’s TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability.

#3: Mention the importance of reducing toxicity 

If you do succeed in making a connection, however slight, you might try to get them to think about the cause for reducing political toxicity. Some ideas for approaches:

• “Do you think insults help persuade people? Or push them further away? I think all this toxicity is driving wedges between us.”
• “If you agree all this toxicity is only making things worse for America, you should look into movements like Builders.”

You can suggest articles like these to help people consider new ideas: 

• Four Myths about Our Toxic Divides
• Is Political Passion at Odds with Reducing Polarization?

#4: Be okay walking away 

Sometimes, the person insulting you won’t be interested in engaging in a respectful way. This will often be the case when interacting online with angry strangers. 

If you see that trying to engage productively isn’t working, you should feel okay walking away from the encounter. Often we feel we have to respond to insults, or argue our case, or have the last word — but we don’t. 

It’s also possible the other person notices that you refused to insult them back. They may feel bad about how they behaved. Even a decision to not engage might impact someone positively. 

Let us know your stories

If you succeed in turning an insulting, toxic encounter into a healthier and more productive one, please let us know how that went for you. We want to hear your stories. Contact us here.  

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