I Got My Friends Together to Talk Politics — Here’s How it Went

By Alex Buscemi, Editorial Manager at Builders

I recently got some friends together for a Builders BBQ, where hosts are challenged to invite friends and family – including those who may see the world differently – to have those often-tricky political-to-politically-adjacent conversations over good food. Some of them were chomping at the bit for the chance to have these sorts of discussions, which at a typical barbecue could be considered poor form. Others rolled their eyes at first, but relented when I assured them there would be free grub (included in the Builders BBQ starter kit for the first 250 hosts) and plenty of beer (not included in the kit, but always a favorite).

Who’s at the table:

Camila, 29: A democratic socialist who can trace any problem back to late-stage capitalism in under 30 seconds. Owns three tote bags with strong opinions on them.

Michael, 33: A libertarian-leaning, liberty-first conservative who trusts the government about as far as he can throw it. Proud of his gun collection.

Sumanth, 34: A moderate liberal who wants change, but, like, reasonable change, on a sensible timeline. Reads the whole article before sharing it.

Jessica, 32: Ask her which party and she'll ask you which issue. Identifies as "politically homeless."

Me, 33: Thought getting all these people in one place was a brilliant idea. Mild nicotine addiction.

As someone who reads other people's arguments for a living, I served as moderator for the conversation. To get the ball rolling, I set up a Builders Jenga tower, which is just like regular Jenga except the blocks have one of these words on them: Builders, Curiosity, Compassion, Courage, or Creativity. There's a printable PDF sheet with questions that correspond to each word. So if someone pulls a Courage block, I ask them one of the questions under Courage (ex: "When was the last time you changed your mind?")

Read on for one part of our talk where we found common ground on healthcare.

Michael went first in Jenga and pulled a block labeled "Curiosity".

Me: So, what brought you here today?

Michael: Uuuh, you made me come?

I give him a look that says "fair enough" and also "please try."

Michael: Ugh, okay. I mean, honestly, I know I see a lot of political stuff differently than like half the people at this table, but you're all good friends of mine and I respect you and I'd like to hear what you think about stuff, I guess.

Camila: Aww, Mike, that was so sweet!

Me: Thank you, Mike, that was great.

Camila went next and pulled another "Curiosity" block. I decided to turn up the heat a little bit.

Me: What issue is really important to you? Why?

Camila: Universal healthcare, easily. Yes, that's the S-word, socialism, I know. But I don't think a country this rich should have people sitting there wondering if a weird lump is worth a doctor's visit or if they should just wait and see. That's insane to me. That's why I became a socialist.

Michael: You don't want full-on socialism.

Camila: Yeah, I do. Look at Denmark. Not exactly a dystopia. They're like the happiest people on the planet, and they don't go broke for getting sick.

Michael: Denmark is not actually socialist. Socialism means the government owns everything. Your home. Your car. The grocery stores. The government can barely run itself, and now you want it to run the food supply?

Sumanth: Well, the government doesn't necessarily own everything in socialism. That's just one specific version of socialism. The Karl Marx-Lenin kind. But to your point, Michael, you're right. Denmark isn't literally socialist. They're capitalist with socialized healthcare.

Sumanth is spitting facts, by the way, and I was totally about to say the exact same thing just as concisely and intelligently as he did, but he beat me to the punch.

Camila: I don't want the government to take your house, Mike. I just don't want people dying in the street because they couldn't afford a doctor. That's the whole thing.

Michael: … okay, but you said socialism.

The conversation was quickly devolving into an argument over labels. I had to get things back on track.

Me: Let's drop the is-it-or-is-it-not socialism talk for a minute. The second someone says "socialism," half the room hears Stalin and the conversation's over. Jessica, we haven't heard from you yet. What do you think about our healthcare system?

Jessica: I mean, I think it's completely broken. And I don't think it's staying that way by accident.

Me: What do you mean by that?

Jessica: A tiny handful of massive corporations make almost all the drugs and medical supplies. They set all the prices. Any time there's the idea of breaking up the monopoly, they sic their lobbyists on Washington and basically bribe politicians not to do it.

Sumanth: Yup. Call it a "campaign contribution." They can give a politician unlimited money through a Super PAC.

Michael: You're right. We don't have an actual free market. It's crony capitalism.

Camila: That's literally what I've been trying to say this whole time.

The four of them are nodding almost in unison now. Thank you, Jessica!

Sumanth: The hospitals do it, too. And the insurance companies.

Jessica: They do. And more and more of them are all merging into even bigger companies that do it all: pharmaceuticals, hospitals, and insurance.

Michael: Right. Big company writes the rule. Government enforces the rule. We all get screwed.

Camila: But that's still my whole point. If the market can't fix it on its own, someone has to.

Michael: Okay, if the market can't fix it, I get that. I just don't want to swap out one thing that owns you for another thing that owns you. Like, great, now instead of a company deciding I'm cooked, it's the government. That's not a win to me. It's the same problem.

Camila: So the enemy is this, like, bigness that gets to decide everything. Corporate or government.

Sumanth: Concentrated power that isn't accountable to the person it's deciding for. Yeah.

I sat back in my chair, trying to hide a satisfied smirk. Michael reached for a potato chip on Camila's plate, and she slapped his hand away.

Camila: Hey, I thought you were against socialism!

Michael: Alex, don't put "Michael is a socialist" in your blog thingy.

Me: Wouldn't dream of it.

Here's what struck me watching the conversation: the second we dropped the labels, the walls came down. The term "socialism" had them stuck. But the moment Jessica reframed it around monopolies, lobbyists, and concentrated power that answers to no one, everybody at the table was suddenly on the same side. Turns out they weren't that far apart. They shared the same frustrations, and the words were the only thing keeping them from noticing.

Want to have conversations like this in your own backyard? We've got everything you need to host your own Builders BBQ right here.

Alex Buscemi can be reached at abuscemi@buildersmovement.org

Photo is for illustrative purposes. People shown are not the individuals featured in this story.